Honoring the Memory of Your Unborn Child: Thoughtful Tributes Following a Miscarriage

After losing a child to miscarriage or stillbirth, many parents find it helpful in their grieving process to do something deliberate to honor their baby. Some choose to commemorate their baby at the time of miscarriage (or soon after) while others choose to honor their baby in ongoing ways through yearly rituals. Still others choose not to do anything formal at all. There is no right or wrong to this—do what feels right to you personally. And there are as many ways to commemorate a baby’s life as there are parents who lose them.

How to remember your baby after miscarriage:

1. Name your baby.

2. Choose a symbol that represents your baby, so that every time you see it, you’ll have a sweet reminder of them (such as a sparrow, butterfly, or rose).

3. Buy or make a piece of jewelry that includes your baby’s birthstone or is engraved with your baby’s birthday or name.

4. Release butterflies, floating lanterns, or balloons with messages of remembrance or goodbye attached.

5. Plant a tree or flowers. Consider finding something that will likely bloom at a special time each year (such as the baby’s birthday or Mother’s Day).

6. Invite your family or small circle of friends for a memorial service at a place that has significance for you.

7. Commemorate your baby with a garden stone or small garden statue that has meaning to you. (Bury the remains of your baby, if you are able to.)

8. Buy a wind chime that will remind you of your baby every time you hear the wind blow through.

9. Get a tattoo with a symbol that holds special meaning. (Popular ideas include your baby’s name, due date, a special flower such as forget-me-nots, or butterflies.)

10. Frame an ultrasound photo or a photo of your baby bump to display with other family photos.

11. Participate in a walk of remembrance in honor of your baby.

12. Donate in your baby’s name to the March of Dimes, SIDS research, a children’s hospital, the Ronald McDonald House, the World Health Organization, the Love A Mama Collective, Every Mother Counts, a pregnancy loss support group such as Hope Mommies, or another organization or charity.

13. Create something: Compose a song, write a poem, create artwork, write a prayer, share a blog post or social media tribute, knit a blanket, or embroider a keepsake.

14. Make a memory box to store ultrasound photos, sympathy cards, a hospital band, or any other small items that hold special meaning.

15. Buy a Christmas ornament representing your child that you can bring out each year and add to your family Christmas tree.

16. Choose a date to commemorate each year and do something special to remember your baby, either privately or with your family or friends.

17. Write a letter to your baby each year on their birthday, perhaps in a journal.

18. Light a candle and take some personal time to reflect on other “marker” dates such as your due date, Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day (October 15), Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and so forth.

Question for you:

Have you commemorated your unborn baby somehow?